In this first part of my journey, I want to take a closer look at the emotional rollercoaster I experienced before I found journaling. Reflecting on these moments helps me truly appreciate how far I’ve come. Today, I am in a much more stable emotional place, but it wasn’t always like this. In this post, I’ll dive into the emotional struggles I faced.
1. The Emotional Roller Coaster
Before I started journaling, my emotional state was completely unpredictable. One moment, I would be elated, feeling like everything was going perfectly. But then, without warning, my mood would plummet, and I’d feel deeply sad—sometimes to the point of tears. It was like I was constantly on an emotional rollercoaster, swinging between extreme highs and lows, with no way of knowing when the next drop would come.
I didn’t know how to manage my emotions. My mood swings felt completely out of my control, and I was exhausted from the constant emotional upheaval.
2. A Deep Sense of Emptiness
Another overwhelming feeling I struggled with was a constant sense of emptiness. No matter what I did, I couldn’t shake the feeling of sadness and disconnection. Even though I was surrounded by people, I still felt alone, like there was something missing inside of me. This emptiness was like an ache that I couldn’t explain or fix, no matter how hard I tried.
There was a void that nothing seemed to fill. I could cry for hours, and it felt like I’d never escape that sadness.
3. Seeking Temporary Relief
To cope with my emotional turmoil, I turned to mental health podcasts, books, and videos. Whenever I had free time, I would listen to or watch something that promised to help me feel better. But the relief was always temporary. As soon as the video or podcast ended, I was back to feeling the same sadness, loneliness, and hopelessness.
I relied on external sources for comfort, but they only provided brief moments of peace. Once those moments passed, I was right back where I started.
4. Believing It Was My Fate
At one point, I started to think that this was simply the way my life was meant to be. I would see others around me thriving while I seemed stuck in an endless cycle of sadness and despair. I began to believe that this was my fate—that I was somehow destined to struggle with my emotions, while others had it all figured out.
I thought, ‘Maybe I’m just unlucky. Maybe I’m meant to feel this way forever.
5. Struggling with Isolation at Work
Work was another area where my emotional struggles became painfully clear. I had a hard time connecting with my coworkers and often found myself on the outside of social groups. In the quiet moments at work, I would break down and cry, trying to hide my pain from others.
It was painful to watch others form connections while I struggled to even find the courage to join a conversation. The loneliness was overwhelming.
6. The Sense of Not Deserving Good Things
Along with the emotional struggles I faced, I often had a deep sense that I didn’t deserve the good things in life. It was as though I wasn’t worthy of having wonderful friends or a loving partner, and that feeling of not being enough made me give up before even trying. This sense of inadequacy only added to my isolation. I felt that happiness and connection were meant for others, not for me.
I thought I wasn’t worthy of anything good. I felt like I didn’t deserve to have beautiful friendships or a meaningful relationship, which only made me feel more alone.
Looking back
Looking back, I can clearly see how much I’ve changed. The constant emotional highs and lows, the deep emptiness, and the belief that I was destined for sadness are no longer as overwhelming as they once were. Having come this far, journaling has played a crucial role in helping me cope with these emotions and find stability. I plan to write more and more about journaling in future posts, as it continues to be an essential part of my emotional growth.
About Me: Hi, I’m Evolving Mind. Through this blog, I share my journey of self-discovery and mental well-being. Journaling has been a powerful tool for me, and I hope to inspire others to find their own path to peace and clarity.
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